All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
