Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
