What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
