Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
