im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
