He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
