Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
