trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
