I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
