Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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