he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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