he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
