look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
