john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
