You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
