Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You were trust falling into bushes
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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