I will die if light touches me.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
