why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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