Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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