I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
