wake up i wanna do it froggy style
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
