Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
