So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think i got beer on your cat.
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