so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
