When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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