i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
