and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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