Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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