good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize