@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
