I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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