i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
