i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
