she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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