Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
