Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
