we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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