My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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