I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
soo... how was my night?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
