Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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