at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
