we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
