i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
