i don't like sucking hair
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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