break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
