I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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