The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He felt like a one man threesome
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
