hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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