I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
