I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
