just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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