Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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