I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
