My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
