If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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