Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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