Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize