He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
