weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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