Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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