Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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