my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Congratulations! We have a period
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
