If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
