omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
