mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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