what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
