Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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