There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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