Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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