The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
