his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
